Get attach to...

So, with my current condition and ache, I guess it's better for me to stay away from any love or any other heart feeling. I'm trying, well, I said, I'm trying. Things might get rough for me now, where all I do is alone, with no one besides me, there's no one to support or give me some magic words to go on whenever I' down. Pathetic, yes.

But, as what as I'd learned from my previous, I knew that not everyone going to let us alone. One fine day, akan ada that someone who are going to led me on whatever I am doing, susah senang, be there, tak kira macam mana my attitude going. What me aim for the next is, someone that can keep me as his wife and have a good intention of being my partner.

Bout how things used to be, I put it in Allah's hand, I'm tired and get confused. I'm sorry, pardon but I'm still young, I do mistakes, so do everyone in this world. Let me finish what have I started. Bismillah.

Tired of getting broken

Love. Love, is something so suci where we need to have a commitment and full of cooperation with one another. I found that, some couple, they were just having fun and dump each other after they get bored or whatever it is, well for me, it is so dumb. I’m not good when it’s come to a relationship. Because I used to be in a relationship with someone  for quite a long time, but you know, people change and I don’t know how and why but at that moment I just realize that I’m alone.

While I’m in a relationship with him, I’m the happiest kid. I’d do everything that I could to make him happy, and for sure, he did the same thing as what am I doing. He’s so, you know, complicated? Yes, he is, but there’s a good in him where, he never failed to reminds me about agama and stuffs like that. He tried his hard on getting into me and make me happy, but as what I said, people do, changing.

And I admit, that I’m also, too complicated, where even my parents barely hard to handle me. I just think that I’m the one who had right on him, like a married couple? Yes, that was how I thought me and him was. I’m wrong, things were going crazy and I’m just trying my best, well that best, I guess were just not so best. Maybe I should put a low expectations before starts something, or maybe I should just let everything be, like what Allah have fixed up for me. I should listen to this quote of, jodoh pertemuan ajal maut semua di tangan Allah. But I refused, I’m still trying well, as a result, I failed.

He was my everything, from the day I met him to the day he left me, or to the day me left him. I don’t know, since that day I’m a bit confused about everything, all I need is an explanation which, no one can ever give it to me.

I’m so sad, there’s a piece of my heart which is still missing and I hope I can get it back. But I know, he still there, holding my heart where I hope, this time he hold it carefully.

To anyone, who is in a relationship, please, do take care of your partner, don’t try to be perfect, but try to be her/his best. Be yourself, be what make you an hero of her/his life because the day they are going will be the miserable day of your life, macam orang tua tua kata, benda ada depan mata kita tak pedulikan tapi bila dah pergi baru reti nak meroyan or stuff like that.

Redha

Kita harus redha, apa yang telah ditetapkan Allah, kadang kadang sakit, susah kita nak terima, tapi macam mana susah atau sakit sesuatu itu, kita kena hadapi, tak tabah tak boleh, kena tabah. Sakit, aku faham, tapi sabarlah, orang lain mungkin lebih sakit.

Redha itu perlu ikhlas, tak perlu mengunkit atau merungut dalam hati. Apa yang jadi harini semalam atau besok, kita kena redha tapi, please, kepada sesetengah manusia, jangan semua benda nak kata aku redha aku redha. Kita hidup kena usaha, selagi mampu pulihkan baikkan, kita usaha. Jangan duduk merenung nasib, and kata redha, Allah tak suka orang yang hanya tahu tawakal tanpa usaha. Hmm.

Kenapa aku datang duduk tulis balik? Sebab aku rasa ini yang buat aku rasa tenang, buat aku mula berfikir cara dewasa. Dan sekarang bukan lagi masa untuk aku jaja cerita cerita sensasi privasi, sekarang mungkin masa untuk aku buka mata, cari diri sendiri dan mula atur langkah satu satu, takpe, jauh kebelakang sikit dari yang lain, takpe, asal boleh langkah, aku cuba.

Dan zahirnya, orang melihat tak sama dengan batinnya Allah nampak. Azam yang aku simpan ini moga dimakbul doa serta usaha. Malas mahu fikir yang jiwa jiwa, buat masa sekarang ini, mahu fikir masa depan, mahu fikir mak abah, dah masanya cari lagak macam orang ada minda ada gaya macam lady lady dewasa.

Sakit, memang sakit. Tak tahu nak buat macam mana, dari berdua terus sorang, terus gila, tak tahu nak buat apa. Kadang kadang, hati rasa tak tenang, bila duduk atas sejadah, tengah sujud masih punya airmata, tapi sabar,ini semua kita tak mintak, ini semua dari Allah, ujian dugaan, astagfirullah, banyak. Tapi dengan sabar redha, usaha, pasti semua akan balik macam biasa. Aku tak tahu bila, mungkin 2,3 tahun lagi, mungkin sampai mati. Dan kena terimalah, kita hidup mana boleh nak bahagia sentiasa, even orang berada orang kenamaan pun ada jatuh bangun mereka, inikan aku, orang biasa.

Susah nak biasakan diri, kena berdikari berdiri atas kaki sendiri. Tak biasa bila tak ada orang nak manja manja kan aku. Susah tau nak jalan man asana sini, tak biasa sangat. Tapi mungkin ada hikmahnya, mungkin perlu lebih matang dalam kenali dunia, kenali diri, dan mungkin merangkak dari jatuh ini untuk ke bahagia nanti akan lebih manis, siapa tahu? Kan?

Ya Allah, mungkin ada sebab kenapa batu yang aku terima waktu aku minta bunga, mungkin dugaan ini ada ajaran hidup yang perlu aku terima. Aku cuba, selagi aku mampu, aku cuba. Ada sebab kenapa kita jatuh sekarang, ada sebab kenapa kita hilang bahagia, mungkin ada sebab, Cuma kita tak tahu apa sebabnya dan kenapa, mungkin kita perlu peka, dan kurang leka. Mungkin ini masanya kita cuba. InsyAllah :’)